By Jonathan Richards

Ever wondered how all this fluffy nonsense started? The Site takes a look at the truly twisted history of the Valentine's tradition.

Your pagan roots are showing
Long before it was actually called Valentine's Day, there was a good old pagan festival called Lupercalia. It was held in ancient Rome at the beginning of February to honor the god Pan and herald the arrival of Spring, and was associated with purification and fertility rituals. Sounds promising, eh?

During these rituals, goats and dogs were sacrificed, and young men were anointed with the blood. Then there was the usual feasting, raucous drinking, and so on, that we all know and love. Afterwards they had to run round and round the city slapping young women with strips of soggy goat flesh called Februa. Apparently this was welcomed as a blessing by the women as it was supposed to make them more fertile. Although the extra laundry probably wasn't.

Another cracking tradition: after they'd run out of slabs of dripping goat corpses, the names of all the young women in the city were placed into a giant urn. Each young man in the neighborhood waited in turn to take a random name out of the urn, and the couple would be paired up together for a year after a bit more feasting, eroticism, and sexual-game playing. This weird matchmaking often resulted in marriage.

Valentine by name
The early Christians decided to put a stop to all this unbridled eroticism and overt sexuality, and changed the festival to one of romantic love. The prudes. They grabbed hold of a fantastic public relations opportunity in the shape of Saint Valentine. The Catholic Church recognizes at least three people called Valentine or Valentinus, who were martyred, so the Valentine story could be about any one of them, or indeed all of them. One legend says that Valentine was a priest or bishop who lived in third century Rome.

"The early Christians decided to put a stop to all this unbridled eroticism and overt sexuality, and changed the festival to one of romantic love. The prudes."

The ruler at the time, Emperor Claudius II, decided to outlaw marriage and engagement because he wanted more men for his armies, and the locals preferred to make love, not war. Valentine carried out many secret marriages, plus the occasional miracle, and was finally caught in the act and imprisoned.

Rumor has it that while incarcerated, he fell madly in love with the jailer's daughter, who visited him often. One story says that he was he was beheaded, and the night before his execution, he sent his true love a note that he signed "from your Valentine." Other stories say that he just got sick and died in prison. Either way, it's his fault for all those crappy cards.

British folklore and traditions
Back in the UK during the Middle Ages, February 14 was traditionally thought to be the day that all the birds paired up for the year. Mating season, in other words. There were many rituals carried out by young maidens who wanted to find out the name of the man they would marry.

The oldest known Valentine card still in existence probably dates back to 1415, and was written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. They probably didn't have a romantic meal later that evening.

Valentine's Day celebrations in the UK began to be popular in the 16th or 17th century, and by the middle of the eighteenth century it was common for lovers and friends to exchange handwritten notes and gifts. The first manufactured cards became available at the end of the 18th century. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Romantic meals for two
There's more to a romantic meal than rocking up to your local kebab house before the closing time rush. If you're feeling the pressure to be perfect, here's everything you need to do to make romance run smooth.

Be prepared
Booking a restaurant at the last minute is inexcusable. It's an amateur's error and worst of all it makes it look as if you just don't care. Even if you do manage to get into your local curry house (everywhere else will be rammed), it's hardly the best start is it?

Instead, be smart. Decide where you'd both like to go and book well in advance asking for a table at 9 or 9.30 pm. That means you can go for a quiet drink first and won't be rushing to get ready. And best of all the staff won't be hurrying you out straight after your dessert. As later customers, you'll probably have the run of the place until closing, or until they put on a Chris De Burgh CD to clear the building.

If you're eating out, make sure you order a taxi to get you both down to the restaurant. This will mean you arrive in a bit of style - your hair won't look like you've been pulled through a hedge backwards - and more importantly you'll both get there together, as it's no fun sitting on your own on Valentine's!

Be romantic
Flowers (guys secretly love them too) and presents are the obvious choice, but what if you're skin? The answer is cooking at home. Unlike just paying for a meal, this shows someone you really care and have gone to a lot of effort.

Conrad Gallacher, Ireland's answer to Jamie Oliver, suggests cooking something easy like a tasty wok stir-fry or a nice, light pasta dish. "These are pretty simple," says the Michelin starred Chef, who regularly cooks for Bono and Westlife, "and you can save time by doing some preparation in the morning and putting it in the fridge."

"Maybe use some chillies and avocados too, to make the dish more exotic. Short, easy cooking is best, plus, it means you don't have to spend the whole evening slaving in the kitchen." Hurrah.

Be smart
If you really can't cook, try the dish out on your mates a couple of nights before Valentine's. If that doesn't work, swallow your pride, go down to your local M&S, and camouflage one of their meals-for-two as your own. The best way to do this is by transferring it all into your own kitchenware and preparing all the veg and sauce yourself. Then get rid of all the evidence, make a bit of a mess in the kitchen and voila!

Be sophisticated
If you're cooking at home think candles, a nice clean tablecloth and some suitable music - and get rid of any flatmates/family/hangers-on - remember this is about intimacy and that means privacy.